1. |
AFTER
02:46
|
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|
and all the things
that happened after,
and all the bones
the wind will scatter,
and all you said
when we were alone,
and all the languages
we spoke were dead and gone,
to find the light
and then become it,
to close your eyes
and feel it coming,
feel it ending,
feel it ending,
i want the world
to go quiet-
in a morning the orange
of mandarin peels,
so find the light and
then become it-
no one said this
would be easy,
and all the people
that haunted, after,
and all the lights
that never shone,
to find the light
and then become it,
to close your eyes
and feel it coming,
feel it ending,
feel it ending,
feel it ending,
feel it ending,
feel it ending…
and all the poets that
whispered after,
singing songs of
a world we soon
forgot-
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2. |
CRAYONS
03:20
|
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|
i shouldn’t keep running away from my problems but whenever i face ‘em head on, it goes wrong, and i’m scared to death of dying before i get to kiss someone, and telling you i’m not as brave as you think i am
maybe if the sun didn’t make me ache
maybe then i’d be fine
what do you know, it’s raining on the west coast and this is no time for romance, the only dance is the mood swing, i am trying to be gentle this year, it’s not really working.
maybe if i wasn’t into politics
maybe then i wouldn’t cry
i wish i was sensitive, i wish i was subtler, i wish i was louder, i wish i could love without my shitty inhibitions and my haughty self-image, i'd rather be an evergreen than a realist
maybe if i listened to criticism
i’m still trying to grow
you told me the only way out is through so why the hell are my hands still so clean, i’m scared of trying and missing the mark and speaking too loudly and changing and growing and doing my laundry
maybe we’ll pretend to be explorers
building a world of our own
i wish we all lived like absurdists
knowing the cosmos don’t give a shit
but we do
yeah we do
i wish we all lived like absurdists
knowing the cosmos don’t give a shit
but we do
yeah we do
i wish we all lived like absurdists
knowing the cosmos don’t give a shit
but we do
yeah we do
[i shouldn’t keep running away from my problems but whenever i face ‘em head on, it goes wrong, and i’m scared to death of dying before i get to kiss someone, and telling you i’m not as brave as you think i am...]
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3. |
||||
|
i don’t talk about you in therapy anymore
or if i do, i don’t falter over your name like it’s a loose cobblestone,
i don’t shake. i swallow the city. i swallow the sea,
so maybe this time i’ll get it right.
i’m alright now. i thought it would all be gone, i thought the floodgates would open and the water would rise and that would be the end of everything. that it would all be lost, washed away with the sinking of the tide, nothing but… floating bones and squabbling crows, picking over the rot. i thought the world would fall away,
but it didn’t. the trees still grew. the roots held tight. the leaves whispered hymns, never losing their voice. and i never lost mine. it’s not the day of salvation, it’s just another day.
and all the deluge ever did was help me learn to float. and i’m alright now. i thought i never would be again,
i still have trouble sleeping. i still think about the flood most nights. i still think about black water. but the sun rises anyway, just as we do. we get up. and we go on, as we always have, since the beginning. and i guess that’s the point. it always seems like it’s over. it always seems like you’re running out of time, or it’ll be raining forever.
but we keep on.
to whatever happens after.
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4. |
MAROR
02:22
|
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|
maror, oh saltwater and
parsley, i speak in tongues and they hear singing,
none of this is pure, no, none of this is pure,
i am hiding under my bed
because they’re looking in the closet
(they’re looking in the closet)
i will love my bonds instead of breaking them
this body is a typo
and will remain that way
it doesn’t matter, i’m fine, or i’ll pretend to be
i guess i’m good at that
(i’m good at that)
the blood in the grass dries black
youth like a curse, like a poison, we are breaking,
we are not scarred, we are torn to shreds,
crack the whip again
(i said crack the whip again)
maror, oh saltwater and
parsley, i speak in tongues and they hear singing,
none of this is pure, no, none of this is pure,
i am hiding under my bed
because they’re looking in the closet
(they’re looking in the closet)
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5. |
SUMMER
02:52
|
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|
it’s the end of summer, the sky is staining purple
and an autumn thunderstorm is rolling in from the north,
orphans of the city wreaking children’s havoc in the sand
It’s the end of august, and night falls faster now
sipping at a can of beer, shitty beer, the kind that tastes like regretful comments, and it’s so beautiful, and she is smiling so wide
the sky is so big and the ocean crashes, the last light of the setting sun scattering across the crests of waves, and it feels like summer's closing
you watch her, cheeks bathed in swaths of orange and lavender, everything at once paling in the dusk and plunging into darkness,
and the sun slips behind the mountain and under the sea and the wind whips your hair back and
you can’t, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t.
you’ve known for a while now.
you’ve known for a while now.
it was only a matter of time.
because there are a lot of beautiful things in the world. some are plainly so. they shine and glimmer and glint.
some are subtler, spreading slow as molasses across your field of vision until that’s all you see.
and some things are so beautiful that they just hurt. like the sunrise on a day you didn’t expect to be up early, like grabbing someone’s hand for the first time
when the world is spinning and feeling time freeze. Like plane windows, or coming home, or children’s drawings, or songs you used to know...
songs you used to know.
you could love her.
you could love her,
the wind dies,
she’s smiling.
girl-shaped things, in this light,
more memory than skin now,
and she smiles,
and she smiles.
you’ve known for a while now.
you’ve known for a while now
It was only a matter of time.
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